By Dr. Don Dunlap
Pastoral Counselor
It is important for a husband to express his love for his wife by touching her in nonsexual ways.
Family Counseling Ministries - The sixth way that a husband undermines the marriage
relationship is to hold onto resentment toward his wife.
Refusing to forgive is one of the most grievous sins that
we can commit against God, against our spouses and against ourselves.
A husband cannot view his wife as God’s blessing until he
chooses to forgive her.
We learn in Matthew 18 that we invite God’s discipline on
our lives when we maintain an unforgiving spirit. A husband must deliberately
choose to forgive his wife for all her past offenses, failures and wrong
attitudes. When he forgives her, he begins to gain insight into why God
sovereignly allowed him marry his wife. He then begins to reap the benefits
that God has in store for him in his union with this particular woman.
A husband damages his marriage in a seventh way when he
expresses physical affection to his wife only when he is interested in sex. He
should be willing to learn to touch his wife in non-sexual ways. Men communicate
love to their wives through the powerful vehicle of touch—touch that demands no
response and expects nothing in return.
If a man was not lovingly touched as a child, touching his
wife in nonsexual ways will not come easily to him.
Although “love touches” don’t require a lot of time, a
husband must make a consistent, thoughtful effort to touch his wife lovingly.
This is especially true if he did not grow up in a family that was physically
demonstrative in their love for one another.
Taking the time to sit close to his wife, or touching her as
he walks through a room requires minimal effort, but speaks loudly to her
heart. Once a man discovers how much his wife needs his nonsexual touch, he is
limited only by his imagination in the many ways that he can express his love
to her.
In the aftermath of marital conflict a woman has an
intensified need for physical reassurance from her husband. She generally needs
more time than her husband to recover emotionally from the pain of a
disagreement. During this time interval a husband should touch his wife in ways
that he knows she enjoys. An attempt by a husband to initiate sexual intimacy
immediately following conflict is often highly offensive to a wife. He should
patiently wait until she is ready to approach him sexually.
A husband should give his wife a shoulder massage when he
notices that she is working hard to meet a deadline.
A man should be alert to times when his wife is facing an
especially stressful situation.
Perhaps she is working diligently on a project or
preparing to host overnight guests. A husband can affirm and encourage her
efforts by taking a few moments to massage her neck and back for a quick
“pick-me-up.”
When a man is out with his wife in a social setting it is
very important for him to make frequent physical contact with her. He should
stand close to her and at times, put his arm around her. If an opportunity
presents itself, he should discreetly whisper a little love message in her ear.
A husband powerfully communicates his love for his wife when he makes it clear
that he is glad to be with her in the presence of other people.
Dr. Don
Dunlap, a pioneer in the placement of Pastoral Counselors in the offices of
Christian physicians, has conducted over twenty thousand appointments during his
ministerial career. His counseling practice includes adults, children and
families in crisis. Dr. Dunlap is committed to facilitating a network of
telephone counselors. His goal is to provide help for the many people unable to
meet face to face with a competent Bible-based counselor. For a complete
library of Dr. Dunlap’s articles, indexed by topic, go to Family Counseling Ministries. You
may also make an appointment for personal telephone counseling by clicking on Family Counseling Ministries.
Family Counseling Ministries is a Christianity.com
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